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Many people explore how to be a single parent and decide it’s not for them. There are challenges to consider before making the decision to become a single parent. Not all people make that choice, sometimes it happens as a result of divorce, death or teenage pregnancy and many are not prepared for what they must face. A single parent may be solely responsible for a child and that’s a gigantic obligation. The costs to consider include bringing up the child – feeding, clothing, shelter, medical care, entertainment to name just a few, along with education and in particular college, outside activities and the massive amount of time it takes to adequately parent a child. For anyone who is selfish and wants to enjoy their own life this is NOT for them. A single parent must be willing to sacrifice probably on a daily basis. Going to the movies, buying a new CD, even taking a walk alone can be tossed aside at least while the child is young. That is unless you have financial security or nearby family to help you. Trying to be a single parent and maintaining a career can be a balancing act that requires daily attention and focus. One must be willing to change at a moment’s notice. You might be in a business meeting and get a call that your child is sick and needs to be picked up from school. As a single parent you rely on yourself as the primary caregiver and unless you have a network of people involved, then it is solely on you.

Best ways to be a single parent: Save up your money so you’ve got a stash to rely on for emergencies. Find people to help you. Reach out to parents, grandparents and friends to provide support when you simply can’t do it alone. Having a network of people to call upon makes a huge difference and can be the factor in helping you maintain your sanity. It gets quite crazy being a single parent. You are in demand to solve, comfort, discipline and have fun – all at the same time. It is bath time for your child and you’d really like to just veg out in front of the TV with a glass of wine. You really long for adult conversation. Instead you are there for your kid or kids 24/7, no joke. There is no turning back once you make the decision to become a single parent. It definitely helps if the former spouse or partner helps out and shares time and duties with the child. When that is possible, it’s the best solution to give you a little breather and let you have time to rejuvenate. Take a bubble bath, a nap, slip off to a real movie – I mean no cartoon movie aimed for kids. Go shopping, even grocery shopping alone, can be a blessing. A screaming child in the store can make any trip to buy cereal a tortuous occasion.

Budget your time – figure out what is necessary to accomplish. Sometimes having a super clean house can be pushed aside because tending to a child’s earache or helping with homework can be far more important. Be flexible and willing to change any schedule because having kids and being solely responsible makes for unpredictable times. You may be on a serious business call and have to drop everything to rush a sick child to the emergency room.

Then there is scheduling play dates, birthday parties, oh the number of parties you can attend and the presents to buy! PTA meetings and teacher conferences, finding the best school and being able to afford it. Also to consider is daycare. If you are working as most single parents must be, then you need to consider the daycare costs and factor in your employment. Do you make enough money to afford quality daycare? Could you hire a reliable neighbor to watch your child and save money? Maybe you need to find a second job or ask family for financial help. These are all factors to consider and know when you decide to be asingle parent.

One of the best ideas is reaching out to other single parents. Get to know them and become friends. Then have a weekly dinner at alternate homes. Even babysit for each other and save on that expense. Talking to another single parent can be extremely helpful. You discover what they are going through may be exactly the same as you or different but you can share and learn from each other.

There is nothing quite as rewarding as reading a bedtime story to your child and feeling the love they have for you and you for them. Just know that as a single parent you may be on demand to read that story every single night. You do not get a break as a single parent unless you find creative ways to spend some time alone and have a network of people helping you. How to be a single parent and survive it can be done and done well if you take the steps to figure out how best to accomplish it.

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Do you agree that parenting can be a daunting task? To a certain extent, I think so. In fact, my wife and I attended many workshops and read many books on parenting because we want to be more effective parents too. Nevertheless, attending workshops and reading books alone would not make us effective parents. This is because parenting is a skill and the only way to improve our skill is to apply what we have learnt and reflect.

Let’s be honest here. We all have emotions. Imagine your child told you he did well in his exam. What would you do? Praise him and celebrate with him? What if he did not do well in his exam? Would you pass your anger to him and even beat him?

The reason why I ask this question relates to my experience in dealing with my son today. Here is what happened. Today my son received his mid-term exam results on three subjects – English, Chinese and Math. I understand my son’s ability and I do not expect him to score high marks in English and Chinese. However, my son’s strength is his analytical skill and I expected him to score between 85% and 90% in Math. In the end, his score was 61.5%. Can you guess what I did? Let’s me share with you my experience in handling this situation.

First: We must be aware that we have choices

I admitted that I was disappointed with my son’s Math results because it was below my expectation. I can choose to be angry and scold my son. However, I know I have another choice here. Instead of passing my anger to my son, I talked to him to find out why he thought he did not do well in his exam. I contained my anger and put on my listening ears instead. In our conversation, we focused only on what went well and what did not go well in his exam. My son was willing to open up and share with me the lessons he learnt.

Second: We must direct our feedback to our child’s behavior only
Do you agree that our children are special? When it is time to give feedback to our children, we must keep in mind that any feedback we give should be directed to our children’s behavior and not to our children. The good news is that this is a learnable skill. It takes time to practice in order to become natural to you. In my son’s case, during our conversation I was consciously aware of the words I used so that my feedback to him was directed to his behavior during his exam preparation. I asked him to recall how he studied for the exam and whether there would be a need to change his strategy so that he would improve in his final exam.

Third: We must continue nurturing our children

I trust you would agree that we love our children and we will give them the best we can afford. In my son’s case, I am aware that his confidence level was affected by his exam result even though he did not admit it. What I did was to encourage him to focus on the present result and ask him to do his best in the final exam. It is important to define “success” properly and this is what I shared with my son regarding my definition of “success” in this case – to improve his score in the final exam. As you can see, even sometimes our children may not perform to our expectation, we will still have to encourage them to improve with a nurturing mindset.

Fourth: We must celebrate even it is a small win
Instead of focusing on my son’s inability to do well in his math exam, I reminded myself that after all he passed all his subjects in the mid-term exam. It is a small win and as a family, we should still celebrate. Here is one thing I learnt from my personal development coach – we have to continuously celebrate even if it is a small win. This will help us to boost our confidence in preparing for the next challenge in our life.
I hope you will find my sharing in this article useful.

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Children often seem like they are bottomless pits when it comes to food. They expend an incredible amount of energy running around, and they need fuel to help them grow. One of the best ways to keep children from being hungry all the time is to let them eat snacks. It is important that you chose healthy snacks so that they develop good eating habits at a young age. Additionally, when children eat sugary snacks, they usually become very hyper and then crash.

Anyone who has been around children knows that they are notoriously picky eaters. Therefore, the challenge is to find snacks that are healthy and that children will eat, and the best snacks for kids will help them stay full and are easily portable.

Serving kids a snack that contains both protein and carbohydrates is a great way to keep them full till their next meal. The more sugar a meal contains, the more likely they will continue eating without noticing any signals from their body that they are full.

One of the best snacks for kids is peanut butter and sliced apples. This hits both children’s sweet tooth and gives them protein that will keep them full and provide energy. Many companies are now producing peanut butter cups in portable plastic containers, making them easy to take on outings. Peanut butter cups also work with celery, pretzels and bananas. If you feel like going really wild, create bugs on a stick. Simply smear peanut butter on a pretzel stick and then use the peanut butter as a glue to keep raisins on.

Another great snacking option is to make your own healthy trail mix. All you need are pretzels, raisins and nuts. If you want to add additional sweets without using chocolate, use carob chips instead. This healthy trail mix can easily be put in plastic baggies for snacking anytime.

Sandwich crackers are a good way to keep hungry kids from ruining their dinners but still give them fuel to finish the day. Simply take two crackers and put low fat ham, turkey or chicken and cheese between them. You may need a ring or a square mold to make everything line up, but they only take a few minutes to make.

If your kids love a sweet and salty mix, lightly salt popcorn and mix in carob chips. As long as you don’t saturate the popcorn in butter, you have a healthy snack that can easily travel in a sandwich bag.

Giving children small, healthy snacks throughout the day will prevent cranky behavior without ruining their appetite.

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Parents share different views when it comes to disciplining their children. Some advocate spankings and others do not. However, we can all agree that discipline along with love, affection, and guidance is necessary in order to rear healthy and mature adults.

Children are full of life and energy. Because of their curious nature, they often find themselves in some pretty messy situations in an attempt to explore their surroundings and find things out. For example, they may accidentally knock over your new flower pot in an effort to find out what it is—leaving soil all over the carpet. Or in an attempt to be independent, they may spill milk on the kitchen counter in an effort to pour themselves a cup of milk. It is tempting to yell and scream at them. But we must understand that this is age appropriate behavior for a child. And besides making them feel bad and unloved, they may give up on trying to learn new things and trying to become more self-reliant.

Instead it will be more effective to explain to them what they have done wrong and what will happen if they continue the behavior. This should be done in a loving and caring manner. However, punishment is not recommended for children under one years of age. But for toddlers over the age of two, experts suggest time-out. During time-out children are sent to a corner to stand facing the wall for at least one minute. Taking away their favorite toys or snacks may also be sufficient punishment.

Older children such as teenagers may know what they are doing wrong, but they may not be aware of the consequences of their actions. And because they sometimes feel as if they are unable to control their behavior, it will be wise to talk to them before imposing harsh punishments. By talking to your children and spending time with them on a regular basis, you can find out what is happening in their lives. Already an emotional period, teenagers deal with many issues. They may be getting bullied at school or they may be falling behind on homework assignments. Are you in the middle of a bad relationship? Or did you just recently get a divorce? Children in homes where their parents constantly argue and fight can become angry and aggressive. Have you been depressed lately? Children are sensitive to their mother’s emotional state and may be upset about their inability to make you feel better. They could be afraid that you will not be able to take care of them and could be acting out as a result.

If you have talked with your children and have established strict rules within the home and your children continue to misbehave then it may be time to place them on punishment. Making them stay in their rooms, taking away their hobbies, taking away their telephone privileges, and giving them extra homework can be excellent ways to keep them from continuing the behavior.

When dealing with teacher and other care givers, you should find out what type of discipline and punishment they impose before leaving them in their possession. You may also want to look for someone who may share your views about child rearing.

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Single parenthood is tough and requires a good deal of bravery. A survey reveals that there are nearly 15 million single parents in United States responsible for bringing up nearly 22 million children. About 45% of the total single mothers in United States are divorced or separated and 34.2% have never married. For Single Mothers by Choice or by fate, life as such can never be easy. Life is rather full of adversities and hinges on difficulties and compromises.

In today’s world, thanks to the awareness of the government which is very much aware of the predicaments in the lives of single mothers. There are many financial programs by government that such mothers can utilize, to make their life better. Financial Help for Single Mothers comes in a variety of forms. When a single mom gets helped, the major benefit goes to the kids. These measures of help surely help them improve the livelihood.

There are many unfortunate mothers who fall prey to tough circumstances and in view of the immense family responsibilities, tend to settle down for a low-paying job. Such mothers are not able to chase their educational dreams, which could have otherwise provided them with a lucrative career. To help those who wish to pursue higher education but cannot pay the hefty school or university fees there are educational grants. There is provision of scholarships for outstanding candidates as well.

Many a times, inability to pay for the childcare expenses keeps the single moms from doing a full-time job. This leads to vicious circle of poverty due to inadequacy of funds to meet the rising demands. There is provision of special daycare or childcare grants that can benefit such mothers in need. By seeking these grants, they can get over the hurdle of meeting childcare expenses and push their way to a rewarding career.

There are many low-income families of single mothers who are not able to fulfill even their subsistence needs. Programs like Food Stamps and Supplemental Nutrition Assistance Program are specifically meant for such families. It helps to provide them with nutritious food and raise healthy children. The needy families can also avail free medical insurance to meet the healthcare needs of the family.

In addition to the above, many State and Federal government programs aim to provide help for single mothers to seek stable housing. Low-interest mortgage loans are also available for single mothers. If you too are a single mom and frustrated by difficulties with limited finances, seeking suitable measures of help can take the discomfort away from your life. You can contact county office of social service for availability of programs in your area. Go over the features of different programs to assess their suitability to your needs. Opting for the right option can certainly raise the standard of living for your family and help you live better.

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“I want that!”, “No, I want it first!”

Words you grow very accustomed to hearing when you are raising twins.

When I was pregnant with twins, I couldn’t help but think, am I really going to have to get two of everything? We had just purchased a house and had a bedroom for each baby but that was the extent of our twin idea. We certainly didn’t have two cribs, pack n plays, bouncy seats, or any of the other things necessary for raising twins.

We were very blessed at our baby shower and received “double” of some items, car seats, high chairs, bouncy seats and of course, plenty of bottles and diapers. We did get some of the “bigger” items too, that we only had one of, like the swing, pack n play, jumperoo, and exer-saucer.

And I remember thinking, what if they both LOVED the same thing, am I going to have to get another one? And having a boy and a girl, will I need a pink one and a blue one? How will I be able to teach a baby how to share and still give them their independence too?

But there comes a time when you have to accept that two of everything is just not realistic and sharing is inevitable. When our twins were babies, we rotated them through things, when one twin was eating, the other would be in the swing, then one twin would go on the floor and the other would be in the jumperoo. It was very realistic to share things in this fashion and teach the twins at a very young age that two of everything is not possible. They also don’t have the attention span to sit in one particular thing for hours at a time so only having one item, is really ok.

The questions I asked myself earlier, about sharing and teaching independence, 4 years later, I am still asking myself. We have plenty of boy toys, trucks, trains, and balls and lots of girl things as well, princesses, dolls, and dress up clothes.

Now, our list is growing and changing to meet the needs of preschoolers instead of newborns. For example, the summer the twins were two, we purchased a red cozy coup car for them. We live in an apartment now so space is limited but we thought having a car for them to ride in would be really fun. When the twins woke up from nap, the car was assembled and within 30 seconds of them seeing the red car, there were tears, screams, and an instant fight. Within that hour, we were back at the store buying a pink car so each twin had their own. And now, two years later, they are still playing in those cars and driving them all over.

One rule we have always followed is doing the same thing for both kids. If one twin is getting a toy from the store, the other is too. If one twin is picking play doh, the other gets to choose a color too. We have learned through trial and error that doing things for them at the same time eliminates many fights and arguments. They both have exactly what they want and no one argues about the color or size of something.

Having their own space and special toys is also an important concept to teach as well. One way we let each twin have their own “stuff” is by giving them their own toy bags. Each bag has their name on it and inside are the things that they like to play with. Meghan has princesses inside hers and Ben has cars and trains inside his. This gives them a sense of what is theirs and those things which aren’t easily shared.

As a parent of twins, you are always going to break up fights about toys, crayons, books, and puzzles, but showing them that sometimes we have two of those and there is no reason to argue lets them work together and build a bond that otherwise might not have been there. This also shows them that they can help each other and when one twin helps the other, there is a really good chance, the second twin will remember that help much longer than if you did it.

Remember, you live in a home not a toy store! And sometimes, it is okay to just have one of an item. You are doing a great job with your twins, keep it up!

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