Good Parenting

Parents always mean well for their children. But some of us may want our children to succeed in all that we, as parents, may not have been successful. This may tend some of us to push our kids too much into many afterschool activities. These afterschool activities that a parent may want their kid to be involved in could be academic, arts, sports or any other activities or all of them!

An over-stressed kid is an unhappy kid. An unhappy kid is not a motivated kid.

It is important to obtain a balance between what a kid wants and what the parents want for the kid.

The following 4 step program may help not only the kid but more importantly the parent!

1. First determine the interests of the kid in school. What subjects does the kid like? Would the kid like to go and see: a museum, a musical performance or a demonstration on the topic of interest? What are the interests of the child’s friends? Teachers are usually a great resource and can help in determining the interests of the student at school. Set up a Parent-Teacher conference and openly discuss with the child’s teacher(s) the child’s interests and dislikes too.

2. Secondly, talk to your child and listen carefully what the child is telling. This can be achieved only by allowing the child to speak freely and NOT passing any judgment on what is mentioned. Take mental notes of what the child likes and dislikes. Siblings can also be helpful in identifying interests. Children may talk indirectly and give hints if they feel that they are interested in something different from what parents want them to do. Be on the lookout for such subtle hints!

3. Thirdly, mutually (the child and the parents) decide what would be good for the child and how many afterschool activities the child may want to participate in. If there is an afterschool activity every day as well as during the weekend both the kid and the parent “taxi-service” would be exhausted! Decide on a realistic set of goals and the number of afterschool activities, usually two or three that can be comparatively easily accomplished. Set up the logistics of how and when the child is going to the activities. Forcing a kid, or anyone, leads to rebellion!

4. Finally, keep it flexible. Clearly state that this is in initial schedule and can change if something else is determined to be more exciting and rewarding. Give time for the initial schedule to work. Usually a month to two months can determine if the schedule is working both for the kid as well as for the parents. Make notes of what worked and why and post it in the child’s bedroom. This will help in making changes to the schedule. A flexible parent can enhance the growth of a confident child.

These steps will help in keeping a happy home with motivated children and unstressed parents and children.

By Mohib Durrani.
E-Mail: Dr.Mohib.Blog@GMail.Com
December 21, 2009.