Good Parenting

Though we all wish our children had high hopes of comfortable futures filled with fun-spirited college days, cushy high paying jobs & beautiful families untouched by tragedies, for many of us, this is merely but a dream. More commonly you find yourself battling a heartbreaking war with your most precious possession on Earth, your teenage child.

Sure, there could be worse things then finding out your ninth grade daughter might be pregnant. But try telling that to yourself when you’re living it. There’s options. None of them too appealing. If you’re a believer, pray. Pray hard for the strength you’ll need to bring you patience & acceptance. If possible, visit your child’s school guidance counselor. Oftentimes they have a wealth of information about programs & counseling, many at no charge. Don’t let shame & embarrassment stop you from going. Guidance counselors have seen & heard more than you could ever imagine. They probably know the real her better than you do.

Then, if you’re lucky, you find out it was just a false alarm. Now what do you do? How do you talk to her? Do you put your foot down? Or do you feel like maybe that’s what drove her towards this behavior before? How much freedom can you give? Trust? What? How? If you’d previously thought that you would wait till she was 16 to put her on birth control, then surely you see the naivety of that now. Is that giving her an open license to have sex? She’s already shown you that she’s going to do what she wants, especially if you try to stop her. Sometimes it seems that they only want what they can’t have but how do you balance the freedom while maintaining some sense of control?

Talk to her. Talk to her when you don’t want to. Talk to her when it’s inconvenient. Talk to her in the middle of the night when you’re crying yourself to sleep over worry for her. Go to her & cry with her. Chances are she’s awake. Teenage girls don’t sleep till about 2:00 in the morning. Ask her if she’ d trust you with her child. Then why doesn’t she trust you to make the best decisions for her, your child? Let her know every chance you get that you love her, no matter what.

Again, seek guidance from the school. Get to know the counselors. Get your child to know them. If you’re fortunate enough to have programs in your area like “Baby Think it Over” that offer computer controlled lifelike baby dolls, it would behoove you to take advantage of it. And when she’s standing in Walmart asking you to “please hold this baby,” tell her “No!” I’m sure she’ll shed more than a few tears after losing those four or five hours of sleep she’s used to getting each night to a puter-baby that won’t stop crying.

All you need is time. Each day brings new challenges & opportunities. Yesterday’s problems have a way of staying in the past and each week brings new things to worry about. All these weeks add up to months and before you know it, six months have gone by and amazingly, your daughter’s decision making processes seemed to have matured ever so slightly. Bargain with her for more time with you. Barter with whatever it takes. If she’s into material things, educational goals, anything her mind is wrapped around, find it & work that angle. Start talking about the type of car she’s going to get & work towards getting her license, which equals more freedom that comes with trust. If public school just isn’t working for her, look into to alternative methods of education. Go shopping with her. Eat icecream together. Join a gym & workout together. If it takes inviting the boyfriend to eat out or go bowling with the family, then try it. It’s a heck of a lot better than the alternative of gathering in a hospital delivery room with them. Coming from a mother of four, successfully past my daughter’s teenage years, (woo-hoo!) I’m here to tell you that there were so many times I wished I’d have stayed at home and let my daddy buy me a car & take care of me when I became a young mother a month after my fifteenth birthday.