Good Parenting

The birth of a first baby is a new adventure for all the family, and particularly for the mother and father, and the newborn child. With it come a number of concerns – either real or perceived – that are naturally associated with new experiences, and particularly with those that will change the life of all the family irreversibly.

There are several myths that accompany the subject of motherhood and one is the famous bonding that occurs between mother and baby. While this is not, in itself, a myth the problems that surround it most certainly are for as we shall see the process of bonding is one that will happen without any special effort, and by simply doing what comes naturally in terms of looking after a baby.

What is bonding?

The story goes that a special bond develops between mother and child and whole this is definitely the case it is important to remember where it comes from.

Ever since man walked the earth mothers have bonded with their babies, and that the process continues in these modern times is indicative of how important the bond is. When a baby is born it will generally be handed to the mother; this is often seen as a symbolic gesture but in fact has at its root the generation driven system of bonding between mother and child. It has been around since man began and will continue to exist for ever more.

How do I bond with the child?

You simply do what comes naturally; each time you feed the baby you are enhancing the bond – it is you who gives him food – and each time you comfort it you are doing so in another way – it is you, the mother, who helps the baby in distress. Further, the natural holding and handling that mothers are adept at adds to the bonding process, and the sounds the mother makes and smells she naturally emits will be the baby’s first memories – it is these early memories that form the basis of the bond, and remain the tie by which the baby is eternally linked with the mother.

What if I don’t bond with baby, or vice versa?

If you are the one who looks after the baby, and who puts it to sleep, takes it for walks and holds, feeds and talks to it then the bonding process is taking place all the time. Often people look for a physical sign of the two getting closer, yet this is not what bonding is about – it is a natural occurrence that comes with the essential ties between mother and child.

Those are the main concerns that come with the bonding aspect of motherhood, and another one is the subject of crying. Many inexperienced mothers believe that a crying baby is one that is distressed, and while this can be a signal of crying there are many more reasons for babies to cry.

Why do babies cry?

This is how they communicate; while we have learned to speak and emote in a more complex and sophisticated manner the baby has yet to progress and is thus limited to the only audible signal he can create – he cries.

Crying can be a sign of distress but new mothers will soon learn to differentiate between different ‘types’ of crying: the distressed cry will be eminently different to the attentions seeking cry, and the hunger cry different again to the one that asks for a change. It all falls into place very quickly and with experience.

This is why the practice of leaving a crying baby at night has become commonplace – often it is simply a cry for attention, and needs to be grown out of rather than encouraged.

Of course prolonged and distressed cries that are unusual must be considered and attended to, but the mother will be an expert in baby cries in no time at all!

It may be worth investing in one or more of the many ebooks that abound on these subjects – after all, advice is to be encouraged.

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This entry was posted on Monday, December 29th, 2008 at 3:12 am and is filed under Good Parenting.