Good Parenting

I want to firstly clear up a major parenting misconception: Is there one correct way to raise a child? Straight-up, the answer is there is no one right way to raise a child. Like buying a car, becoming friends with your neighbors, or hanging out your clothes to dry on the clothesline, there is no single correct style you need to use for raising a healthy-minded, loving, successful child.

Having said that, there are four parenting styles you need to be aware of in raising a child which does explain what parenting styles are best for a child. However, how you go about using the parenting styles is up to your own judgment. There is no one right way to use the styles because there are so many variables in parenting.

The four parenting styles based on research in parenting are:

1. Low love/low limits
2. Low love/high limits
3. High love/low limits
4. High love/high limits

The love and limit parenting variables describes how a parent disciplines their child. Rarely does a parent remain in one category because the parenting style changes with time due to aspects like parental experience, moods, and maturity of the child. It’s about finding the right balance of love and limits that suit you and your child’s situation.

Firstly, love is not how much the parent loves the child, but rather is the visibility of love during the disciplining process. A dad yelling at his son shows a low love parenting style even though he may greatly love his son. If you have a high love parenting style, you will reason, talk, and spend more time with your child.

The second variable, limits, describes the boundaries placed around a child and how these boundaries are enforced. A low limits style involves little control and few limits for a child; while a high limits style involves clear boundaries and limits without having to be domineering.

The limits describes whether a parent disciplines using either passive, assertive, or aggressive discipline. Passive discipline is doing nothing; assertive discipline is a win-win outcome for the child and the parent where the parent establishes the child’s discipline based on their respect for you and your desire for them to follow rules; while aggressive discipline is said to be “old school” with techniques such as smacking, using a wooden space, and yelling.

Of the four parenting styles, you use the one which feels right in your mind. If your parents used a high limit style on you and you felt this put you in-line, then it is likely you will adopt the same disciplining techniques. On the contrary, if you felt your parents’ high limit style was overly aggressive and distasteful, you could use a low limit style because you hate how your parents told you what you can and cannot do. It is common to copy your parents’ style or swing to the opposing extreme. However you were raised, your parents’ parenting style has influenced you to a style that feels right to you.