Good Parenting

This is in continuation to part I of this article.

To Recap:

TA – in its simplest form, explains that every individual possesses three EGO STATES. A Parent Ego State (PARENT), a grown up Ego State (GROWN UP) and a Child Ego State (CHILD). All human beings are a curious mixture of these three ego states. We have A PARENT in us. A GROWN UP in us. And a CHILD as well.

It may sound a bit out-Landis; but we still want to present this hypothesis that the society has only one ego state The PARENT It normally wants to kill originality, freedom and creativity. It only condones ‘normative’ free-flow!!!

Now let us take the analysis further:

It has been postulated by Transaction Analysts that the primary aim of each individual is to harness the PARENT and the CHILD and react from the GROWN UP to avoid the child ego state or the parent ego state to become ‘hooked’. They say that we are OK (read happy) only when we respond to a situation from our Grown up ego state. Sounds wonderful! But it is easier said than done! GROWN UP is the most endangered ‘species’ in this jungle of NOT-OK- NESS! As long as our CHILD is not happy and our PARENT is hell-bent on blocking the free-flow, GROWN UP hides somewhere in the deep recesses of our subconscious!

This is not too difficult to imagine. If we have a lurking desire since our childhood (or youth) to go on a certain path in life and our PARENT in the form of norms, family traditions, parental pressure or societal diktats has successfully shattered this dream then no matter how much we justify our present station in life and no matter how much we boast of our laurels and achievements inside, we are not happy! Somewhere, there is a feeling of NOT-OK-NESS! PARENT normally wins CHILD is generally unhappy And GROWN UP, at best, behaves like a quasi- PARENT. This seems to be the sad scenario!

There, of course, can be very many potent and well-meaning arguments against this hypothesis and this analysis can even be called an over-simplification But let us try and look at it with a slightly altered perspective. Somewhere, we just might find an iota of truth! IS MY CHILD HAPPY? Is a question we all need to ask ourselves, at least sometimes in our lives!

Having said this, we would like to hasten to add that there are two types of “I DON’T LIKE IT” that a CHILD normally complains about. First types are those things/actions etc., which are fundamentally alien to our psyche/body chemistry. Second types are our whims and fancies. The whole purpose of life would be achieved, in a way, if we can harness our Grown up ego state in such a way that it can clearly distinguish between these two types of ‘I don’t like it’ statements that our CHILD is so accustomed to make.

Once we are able to achieve the scenario where CHILD is allowed to follow those ‘LIKES’ which are akin to our basic chemistry (or psychology) and the PARENT is allowed to curb the impulses and whims for the second types of ‘LIKES’ of the errant CHILD then every ego state can be happy!

This is not a theory only a point of view for readers to ponder over!

In conclusion, it can be said that the whole business of life and well-being is somewhat linked to this dichotomy of this conflict between the PARENT and the CHILD.

We can only be happy if our CHILD is happy and when we are happy (or OK), only then we can make our world a happier or a more OK place to live in!