Good Parenting

Researchers from Temple University and the University of Delaware have found a big disconnect in the beliefs of American mothers and child development professionals about the link between play and learning. For mothers, the perceived learning value of play increased for structured, goal oriented activities. On the other hand, professionals consider structured activities to be outside the realm of play and attribute less learning value to those activities compared to unstructured activities. Parents tend to think that play with an educational focus better prepares kids for school. According to the study’s authors, Fisher, Hirsh-Pasek, Colinkoff, and Gryfe, since ancient times up through modern research, play has been seen as time for flexibility and intellectual exploration by young people that promotes learning and development.

Coined in a 1987 study by Irving Spiel, “hothousing” is the term used to describe the practice of forcing babies and young children to gain knowledge usually acquired at a later developmental stage. The shift in the meaning of play has come with broad shifts in social values. We have higher expectations for children to achieve and cope with technological change. Some of this comes from anxiety about the uncertain futures our children face. Some have argued that there has been a shift in the nation’s view of children and the idea of childhood. Instead of it being considered an important and special time requiring particular cultivation (as does each phase of childhood), the focus of very early childhood is preparation for modern adulthood. The diversion between policy and research is evident in kindergarten and elementary schools, where recess and playtime have been shortened and replaced with lessons that emphasize rote memorization and learning of facts. For early childhood specialists, who advocate the active involvement of parents in learning, the biggest frustration has been that parents avidly support the reduction of play and early focus on structured activities for young children when preschool should be a time of recreation and socialization.

Ironically, over preparation or enrichment activities at very young ages can stunt development. According to a report by Tynette Hills in the ERIC Clearinghouse on Elementary and Early Childhood Education on hothousing young children, “Those who advocate hothousing programs pay too little attention to theory and research.” In order to succeed in elementary education, children must use concepts and skills that flow from complex developmental processes such as knowledge organization and application , relating ideas about time, space, number and people. Accelerated programs often emphasize lower level processes such as memorization and visual recognition of letters and numbers.

Part of the problem is that the notion of play itself varies across time, culture and place. Even within the American context, researchers differ on the nature of play. However, there are some constants in research about specific play activities and various developmental benefits. For example, spontaneous every day play and exploration of shapes and space among very young children sets the stage for mathematical thinking. The consensus is that play, in its diversity, allows children to learn about themselves and the world around them. More importantly, it is self-directed play, where children are active learners and explorers that yields the most benefit in terms of social and academic development. Over two decades ago, Sigel pointed out that highly structured learning environments work in opposition to children’s natural learning processes.

What we believe influences our interaction with our children, which affects developmental outcomes. The study by Fisher et al (2008) found that mothers do indeed share the belief in the link between play and learning advocated by theorists and backed by research. However, what mothers consider to be play is not the type of play discussed in academic research. Unstructured play, as conceived of by researchers, includes free play, fantasy or symbolic play and social play. One interesting finding of the study is that parents also differ from experts in their definitions of structured play. For the modern American mother, structured play includes activities with goals such as playing with electronic toys, computers, and television, life skills activities like trips to the library or store, and use of flash cards. As the newest form of play, based on cutting edge technological advancements, most research has not yet explored the use of media in structured learning. Overall, the findings indicate that parents define play more broadly than do the experts, and value structured play much more than unstructured play.

What are the consequences? Structured play in educational toys like electronic books or consoles that build memorization by requiring children to “fill in the blank” are efficient but promote less learning than do traditional books. The bottom line is that reading with children, where children and caregivers or parents can have playful interaction leads to the acquisition of new knowledge and skills. The authors emphasize that unstructured play leads to problem solving, literacy, creativity and social skills. In the end, they note that just as the public is educated about the dangers of lead, the use of car seats or the dangers of secondary smoke, “parents may need to be educated on what constitutes play and its benefits if we are to create a generation of creative and emotionally healthy children who love to learn.”

Modern kids are busy kids.

Regardless of age, their days are filled with activities.

Under fives do a range of adult-initiated learning activities designed to give them the best start to their learning lives.

School-aged kids have a huge range of leisure and after-school activities to choose from.  It is not uncommon for kids to have four and five extra-curricular activities a week.

Nothing wrong with kids being busy as long as they have plenty of chances to relax and unwind.

Relaxation is a key to good mental health and well-being. It is an important life skill for kids to learn.

Balance busyness with boredom

One way to ensure busy kids unwind is to make sure kids get bored every so often.

There is a temptation to fill kids’ days with activities so that no time is wasted.

“I’m bored!” is the last thing most parents want to hear their kids say. Many parents feel compelled to do something to alleviate a child’s boredom.

There is nothing wrong with a little boredom now and then. Boredom can be good for kids’ mental health and well-being, giving them the chance to muck around and take it easy for a time.

Here are 5 ideas to help you unwind your kids:

1. Let your kids regularly stare into the ‘fire’: Ever sat around a camp-fire and stared at the flames? If so, you will know how calming it is. No exertion! No need to think! No need to talk to anyone! Just a chance to chill-out and relax. The TV is the modern version of the camp-fire. Yep, TV used in this way is good for kids’ mental health.

2. Let kids exercise without rules: Kids are the kings and queens of play. Always have been. Until lately that is, when their lives have become highly organised and scheduled.  Free, child-initiated play is the ultimate in relaxation. Fun games, games with few rules and games that kids control help them to unwind

3. Let kids experience flow: Flow is a state we get into when we are so engrossed in an activity that time disappears. It is the ultimate unwind. We get flow when we pursue our passions so encourage teens to find activities that they truly love and get lost in.  Free play generally takes young children to flow very quickly so opportunities for unstructured play are essential.

4. Help kids calm down around bedtime: Have a bedtime routine that calms kids down rather than winds them up. You can become part of this routine by reading books, telling nursery rhymes, providing soothing back rubs and other ways.

5. Unwind with your kids: When I was young the best times I had with my dad were spent in the backyard playing cricket. Sounds like a cliché I know. It was fun because it was never a chore for him. He loved it as it was a chance for him to unwind after work. Find ways you can unwind and rejuvenate with your kids.

We want our kids to be busy and involved rather inactive and apathetic. However activity needs to be balanced with unscheduled time so that perspective as well as everyone’s sanity is maintained.

Developing a sense of ‘we’ not ‘me’ in your family

Have you a process to teach kids to solve issues without fists, fights and put-downs?

Have you a system to give kids a voice in your family so your kids cooperate more?

Have you an easy way to teach kids skills such as giving compliments, encouraging others and thinking positively?

If you answered no to any of these questions then consider adding the Family Roundtable to your set of parenting strategies. It will change the way you parent and how your kids behave.

The Family Roundtable is a proven way to create a strong sense of ‘we’ in families, promote greater cooperation and teach kids lifelong conflict resolution skills.

Early learning can be fun as long as it is kept informal. A baby should be allowed to explore the world around him. Parents should only provide the stimuli, and not make learning a tiresome exercise.

There is a view that babies are not ready for early learning. Nothing could be more misconceived. All babies love to explore and learn from their environment. What children (and for that matter, adults) are reluctant to learn is what is forced on them.

Your goal should be to encourage your child’s natural fondness for learning. This process, if begun early, can ease what some deem the “burden” of education. Studies have shown that early learning can give children an edge over their peers.

The success of early learning depends on the teaching style. The teacher who makes learning fun can teach much more than the teacher who tries to drum lessons into the minds of children.

A child also does not like to be tied to a chair or a routine that is soul destroying. It is important to keep the child engaged through means that make learning a joyous activity.

This is where games or story sessions can fire a child’s imagination. The child becomes a part of the teaching, and not an end-object of teaching.

Another argument against early learning is that a young child’s brain is not sufficiently mature to handle “complex” tasks such as reading or solving mathematical equations. Quoting neuroscience, some developmentalists argue that children are not ready to start learning to read until the age of six or even seven.

Yet, at Shichida Academies around Asia, children as young as two or three are able to add, subtract, divide or multiply two- or even three-digit figures. There are numerous videos on YouTube showing babies as young as 12 months - or even 9 months, in the case of Aleka Titzer - reading and comprehending the meanings of dozens of words.

Those who question early learning should understand the different ways in which the brain can learn. The reason so many people have trouble with math is because we follow a system of education that addresses the left hemisphere of the brain alone. The left brain analyzes and stores information using logic. Right-brain learning, by contrast, comes instantaneously and effortlessly. In children under the age of three and a half, the right hemisphere of the brain is dominant - and so it is easy to tap into the seemingly amazing abilities of the right brain.

This is why the learning that takes place in the very earliest years of life is of unparalleled value. Not only does it happen naturally, but it will form the foundation of your child’s future intelligence. All you need to do is provide the right stimulation - and attitude - to make early learning fun for your child.